Lost and Found

I don’t know how long I’ve been here, I don’t know how long I have to stay. Each time I see the trickle of light I get excited, only to realize it’s not for my escape. Instead another body is thrown in next to me, another unfortunate and unforgotten soul. I wait for the day that they come to get me, and remove me from this dark lonely hole.

No one talks, there is no noise. I’ve tried counting days, but there’s no indication of time in here, there’s no way to tell. I could already be in here for weeks, and still I would not know. Time is insignificant, because there is nothing more than the darkness and the ever sporadic glimmer of light.

It’s so funny, there’s so many of us here but no one realizes. I recognize some occupants, I saw them outside walking around the park when I was there enjoying the sunlight and attention. I know they’re with me, but I feel so lonely… maybe it’s the dark.

I can’t do anything, I can’t get up, can’t move, I’m not motivated. All I can do is wait, wait until that light opens up for me and I get to leave and experience the fresh air and warmth of a hug, and nice conversation. I just wait… feeling purposeless in this darkness.

I’ve given up on staying awake, I just sleep most of the time now. The light doesn’t creep in much anymore, it must be a busy time for the outsiders. They probably don’t have time for me, I don’t make a difference to them. It’s not hard to find a replacement for me, and just as interesting at that.

I just wait… feeling worse about myself than the day I entered. I remember that day… it seems so far away now.

Oh! I finally get to leave! This time the light and open door is for me! I get up in excitement and welcome the arms that hold me close. I am happy to be out of the darkness again, I look at it and wave goodbye. I hope I never end up there again.

It doesn’t take long, but I return to the darkness. This time I have different company, but I still have to wait. I know the day will come when I leave, but I also know, it won’t be too long until I return. I can’t help it, it’s just a nasty cycle.

Spending time at the park makes me happy, but there’s always the chance I’ll get left behind and returned to the lost and found.


How Are You?

How can I express the distress I feel
when asked this question?
How do I say that I’m miserable
and want to end my life?

What can I say so I don’t
concern or scare you?
What do you really want to hear?
What are you asking me?

Instead of taking time to over-analyze
and let you empathize, I’ll just reply:
I’m fine…
How are you?