Liar

Two-faced
Empty words
Broken promises

Fooled me once
Fooled me twice
Shame on me

I believed you.

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Hindsight is 20/20

I threw the term “best friend” a lot as a child, even when I didn’t truly believe the person who held the title deserved it. As I grew older, I still used the term loosely, calling whoever was close to me, my best friend. During my junior high school years, I entered the angsty teenager phase, and became disillusioned by the term. So in place of “best friend”, I would refer to my closer friends as close friends… in essence, demoting them. I tried extremely hard to keep calling close friends as such, but I ended up finding a best friend.

A best friend is someone who’s got your back no matter what, someone you can trust and depend on, someone who knows you as well as you know them… someone who will be there for you when things start to collapse around you. They’re also the ones who are there to share exciting news and celebrate with you.

In eighth grade, I found my first real best friend. He was different from all the other friends I’ve had, he was genuine and honest… and trustworthy. I felt more comfortable with him, talking to him than I had anyone else I’d met. So, I began coining him as my best friend… because he was everything I listed above and more. He was my rock, and I wanted to be his.

I was so blinded by my idea of reciprocity that I couldn’t accept I was important to him because of how little he shared. He wasn’t the sharing type, but I couldn’t let it go… I didn’t feel like we were putting an equal amount of effort into our friendship. So, I pushed and pushed… I tried so hard to make our friendship something it wasn’t: I tried to mold it to fit my fantasy. And surely, that is where I went wrong. I realize that now…

Hindsight is 20/20, but I wish that foresight were just as clear…

The Girl I Left Behind

You were the innocent one, the one that trusted, wished for the best.
You were the one that let people in, the one that let your vulnerability show.
I am not you anymore.
I am the callous one, the one that’s skeptical, the one that lost hope.
I am the one that pushes people away, the one that pretends to be strong.

You were the one that had your emotions for all to see,
let people see the scars that etched into you deeply.
That was you, that is not me.
I am the one that hides behind the word “fine”,
the one that shows off a cold hard shell—that’s me.

You scared me, scared me so much that I ran and hid.
I ran and hid from you with the desire to get away.
You searched for me, you scoured for me, and you found me.
You found me and pulled me back in, more broken than before.
I was a coward, and I messed up.

You were the little girl,
I am the adult.
You were the one that was sheltered,
I am the one that was exposed.
You and I are one in the same, but I am not you and you are not me.